Phone Calls

I spent the end of last week and the beginning of this week on a million phone calls (or at least it felt like it).  I started researching possible preschool options for Jake for the fall--he'll be 4.5 years old, so he still has another year before kindergarten.  I'm not actually a big fan of preschool in general, but I do see the benefits of it for a kid like Jake, mostly on the socialization/learning-the-school-routine side of things.  He's really only ever had Dan and myself as his teachers/disciplinarians/caregivers, and I think throwing him into full-day kindergarten in a year might really be scary for him.  Easing him into the idea of listening to a teacher and having a longer day where decent behavior is expected and required could be a really good move for my crazy boy.  I looked online for places with good recommendations, and the phone calls began--some were knocked off the list right away because they were crazy expensive ($288/week--are you kidding me???), some were knocked off because they don't have space for Jake, and some were knocked off because of the start time...a lot of preschools around here start at 9am, and I need to take Abby to her bus stop shortly before 9am, so it's not feasible for me be in two places at once.  Traffic around here is totally insane, so I need to factor that into my travel time in the mornings as well.  Ugh.  I have emerged from the preschool research totally overwhelmed with too many not-quite-viable options, and nothing that is the exact right fit for us.  I'm really tempted by a good preschool about 25 minutes (against traffic!) from us, but again, their start time for morning preschool is 9am.  They have room for Jake, and I know from a good friend that he would have an amazing, enriching experience there, and the price is right.  They offer an afternoon preschool, but of course that would be right in the middle of Alex's naptime--and you can't even register for the afternoon class until the morning classes are full...which they aren't yet, so technically, there is no afternoon session at this point.  Yes, my head is spinning, too.

why is this so hard to figure out?

Another round of phone calls involved my desperate search to find something to replace the exercise classes I've been taking once Dan starts his new job.  I love Zumba--it's a fun, great workout, and I hate to lose the momentum I've found taking that class.  I don't love step as much, but I do recognize that it's a good workout and has really helped me on this journey as well.  If I'm going to keep going to group classes, I need to either hire a babysitter and stick with my current classes, or find a place that offers childcare or really late classes (like after the kids go to bed kind of late).  The babysitter would seem like the most straightforward approach, but a babysitter for 3 kids at dinnertime would be really expensive.  I've also never left my kids with a babysitter before, so that causes me some anxiety--we've been fortunate that whenever we've really needed someone to watch our kids, we've been able to count on our families.  I'm not a working parent, so the need to hire a babysitter hasn't really existed--Dan and I don't get many date nights!  So not only would I have to adjust to a stranger watching our kids, but the kids would as well...and I know that would be tough.  Nothing like some mom guilt to go along with my exercise!

this idea is so appealing!

There are a lot of Zumba classes in my area, but they are expensive or a long drive (in that darn traffic again).  I finally found a gym that sounded like it might be right for us--it has a pool (and I love swimming, so that would be fun to add into my routine!), it offers step and Zumba and many other classes, and it has a great childcare area.  The catch?  It's a 30 minute drive from here--mostly against traffic, depending on when I would be trying to go.  I still thought it sounded enticing enough to at least go check it out after I talked to their membership director, so we all loaded in the car and went as a family this past Saturday.  I tried the two gyms closer to us last year, but the boys absolutely hated the childcare (and I don't blame them--the women working there were so weirdly not child-friendly!), so it didn't work out at all (literally and figuratively).  I hoped that having Abby with us when we introduced the boys to another gym childcare environment would help soften the blow for them--her presence is a comfort to them, and they often look to her for guidance...so if she was fine with it, I hoped they would be fine with it, too.  We also told the boys that we were going to a Sport Center, and specifically never used the word Gym--I knew that would freak them out after the last experience!  We left the kids in the childcare room while Dan and I got the tour of the facility, and it was awesome--they just opened, so everything is brand new and super impressive.  The kids did well in the childcare room--no meltdowns or upset, although they did say they didn't want to go back...  That didn't make me feel warm and fuzzy about it--I was hoping they'd have a great time and be begging to go back, but I should just be thankful they didn't scream.

So there's a lot to consider with that gym.  I feel nervous about the drive--that's a lot of gas money, and will require a lot of motivation...I know some days (especially in bad weather), I'm not going to want to make the drive.  Their class times are also awkward for me--9:30am for Zumba, which I could probably make in the summer when I don't have to worry about the bus stop in the mornings, but apparently you have to get there early to secure a ticket for the class since it's so popular...and on school days, I won't be able to get there early.  It would really suck to drive 30 minutes for a class, only to find it full and not be able to take it!  They offer another Zumba class during the evening, but it's right at prime traffic time--that 30 minute drive could easily stretch to 2 hours, and there's no way I'm doing that.  It's a lot of money to spend on a gym membership about which I'm so unsure--although the place was great, I just don't know if it's the place for our family...which has me still searching for options.  I may end up buying some Zumba DVDs to do at home, and investing in my own step to use at home as well--although I'm really not happy with that idea, because even though working out at home is easy and free, I'm never "off-duty" from my job.  The best time to work out would be during the boys' nap/quiet time, but I'm still up and down the stairs a million times when Jake needs to use the bathroom or sticks something down his air conditioning vent that needs to be retrieved, or puts his Easter basket over his head to the point where he can't get it off (all those things have happened in the last week!).  I have to have one ear on the monitor at all times, so I couldn't zone out with my iPod.  That time would be stilted, stop-and-start, and definitely not good time to focus on myself and my exercise goals.  I could get up early before the kids in the morning, but since I would make a lot of noise with the jumping up and down and having the TV on, I would worry about waking them up and then having the same disruption problem.  And did I mention that I'm really not a morning person?  Dan thinks I should work out at night, but that's just about the last thing I want to do after the kids get to bed--I'm totally drained from the day.  So, that's all up in the air--still not sure what I'm going to do when Dan switches jobs in a few months.

two future Wahoos?

About the only fun, fulfilling phone calls I've made the last few days have been congratulatory calls to local high school students who have been accepted to my alma mater, the University of Virginia.  I would have loved that personal touch when I got into UVa (although I applied early admission, when the decision was binding--so they didn't have to waste resources on convincing me!), and I love being able to give that to future Wahoos.  A lot of the kids I called had already decided to attend, so it was mostly a quick love-fest about Virginia conversation--but some of the kids genuinely had questions, concerns, and were still deciding between schools.  I spent an hour talking to a kid who wanted advice about college in general--he asked me such varying questions regarding anything from the Freshman 15 to whether the classes would be a lot like high school size-wise to how to pick a roommate to dorm life.  I loved spending an hour giving him an introduction to UVa and what his life will look like in a few months, and I got off that call feeling like I had really made a difference to him--I hope that difference means that he picks UVa when his decision is made.  Those phone calls were invigorating--it's such an outlet for me to be defined not as a wife or a mother for a few hours, but as a college graduate with valuable information and a love for my school that I am excited to share.  Wahoowa!!  :)

What's Going On?

My thoughts are everywhere the last few days--I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions!  I'm not really sure why I feel so scattered--I'm getting more sleep than I usually do, I'm finally exercising regularly, and there's really nothing pressing happening right now.  I was just sitting down last night feeling thankful that the stress of the holidays is over and we don't really have anything big on the horizon...yet I still feel anxious?  I can't quite put my finger on the cause of my anxiety, but it may have to do with the fact that I'm trying to cram all my regular stuff into a shorter period of time every day.

how is it the end of January already?

 
My Challenge for a healthier lifestyle means that I'm going to bed by or before midnight most nights--cutting my days shorter by almost 2 hours when compared to my pre-Challenge hours.  That's a lot of time!  I tend to get a lot done in the wee hours of the morning, when the house is quiet and I have time with my own thoughts--I organize my calendar, catch up on emails, balance the checkbook...that kind of thing.  So without those hours to myself, I'm working those tasks into the daylight hours (or not accomplishing them at all?).  Our family calendar has been particularly stressful for me the last few weeks--I can't seem to get a handle on our days and feel very off-kilter about it.  Normally, I know the day's or week's activities off the top of my head, but when the kids were so sick for so long, they missed gymnastics and dance classes, and now we're adding make-up classes to our regular schedule of classes to make up for those sick days.  Abby's dance teacher got sick this week, and rescheduled her dance class twice, making my head spin a bit.  The 2nd make-up for that class conflicted with her make-up gymnastics class this week, so I had to reschedule that.  You know, that's just how it's been going--I can't keep up!

I'm also really grateful to be able to work out three evenings a week with these classes I've started, but the rush of those evenings is tough.  I leave home at 5pm (inevitably running out the door with barely time to say hello to Dan as he comes in to relieve me), and I get back home around 6:30pm.  Last night, I came in all sweaty and tired from a really fun Zumba class, and went straight into the kitchen to fix dinner, then cleaned up the kitchen, then Dan and I got the kids in bed...and I didn't sit down until after 8pm.  I wrenched my back on Monday (jumping to get an errant helium balloon off the ceiling...grrrr), and I've been in quite a bit of pain from that--thankfully, I was able to do the step class Monday night, and I did Zumba last night while hopped up on Motrin.  I've been sitting with a warm compress on my back since Monday--every time I sit down, I put the compress on.  It's not helping.  I think the pain is contributing to my anxiousness--I just want to be back to normal again!  I want to be feeling good, because I'm eating healthy and being active...so it's just a bummer to be hurting (and the soreness in my calves from that darn step class hasn't helped!).

Carrying this around counts as weight training, right?

I think I just need to work on my daily efficiency--it's really hard when I have two little boys at home who love to play and always want me to play with them!  Since I don't really have anything big upcoming, it's hard to motivate myself to do the mundane tasks of running this household--the cleaning, the laundry, etc.  I've had a bottle of Fantastik and paper towels sitting in the downstairs bathroom for the last week...just waiting to be used to clean something!  I think I feel anxious because I don't think I'm doing enough--but the kids are healthy and happy, Dan and I are supporting each other (even if that means hardly seeing each other...something else to work on), the house isn't 100% clean, but it's not a dump, and I'm doing what I need to do for myself...so I think I just need to cut myself some slack, and take each day as it comes.  The guilt of spending this extra time on myself is hard to keep at bay, but in the end, it's not just time spent on myself--it's an invaluable example of good health that I'm passing on to our kids.  I just need to keep repeating that and feel proud of my efforts.

Meet the Housewife

My name is Jill, and I'm 32 years old.  I'm short, about 30 pounds overweight (thanks, kids...ha ha!), and I have blondish hair that never does what I want it to do.  I have a degree in psychology from the University of Virginia (one of my most favorite places in the world!), and I previously worked as an intern at a national non-profit, at a small environmental consulting firm, at Hewlett-Packard, and at Hallmark.  :)  My full-time job now is staying at home with my three outstanding kiddos--Abby, Jake, and Alex.  I'm married to Dan, a military JAG officer (aka, military lawyer), and we are working together to build a really great life.  Sounds like I've got it all together, right?

I read a lot of blogs about folks who knock my socks off with their crafts, their togetherness, their energy, their ability to get everything done and still have time for baking cookies...this will not be one of those blogs!  I strongly dislike crafting, I don't like to shop (especially for clothes!), I don't do much baking (pies are my forte/only thing I can bake, weirdly), I don't enjoy cooking in the slightest, I love to go out to eat (this goes along well with not cooking), I don't go to church, I'm liberal, and I'm kind of a mess on a daily basis.  :)

My husband tells me that I have an unfortunate habit of providing ridiculous amounts of detail when asked a simple question, like when I attempt to write an "About Me" blog.  :)  I just wrote a very detailed chronicle for this blog entry about my first 32 years of life, then deleted it and decided that bullets are the best way to go...trust me, I would have bored you to sleep (and may still...even with bullets!): 

• I grew up in a military family as the youngest of three kids, and my mom was the best stay-at-home mom who ever existed (still is!).
• I wanted to be a famous singer when I was little (okay, even now...but at least now, I don't harbor illusions that I'll be randomly discovered on the street and rocketed to stardom like I hoped I would be when I was 7 years old). 

Yep, I dressed up as Debbie Gibson in 4th grade...totally wanted to be her!

• I went to the University of Virginia, where I majored in psychology and wanted to focus my career after college on substance abuse issues.  I spent a lot of time volunteering with Mothers Against Drunk Driving after my brother was hit by a drunk driver when I was 15 years old--and I also worked at MADD's National office while I was in college.
• I met Dan, the guy who would eventually become my husband, when we were 15 years old in the same sophomore gym and English classes--we dated off and on for years (mostly off!), but have been best friends since day one.
• After college graduation, I got jobs that paid bills...not ones that utilized my passion and degree.  I figured there would be time for that later?
• Dan and I were married in July 2004, on one of the happiest days I've ever had--he had just returned from a year-long deployment in Iraq, and our wedding felt like a fairy tale come true for me after all the stops and starts our relationship endured, and after the really scary year of his deployment.  We spent our first year of married life in Colorado, where Dan was stationed at the time.

Our wedding day

• Our first child, a daughter we named Abby, was born in 2006, while Dan was in law school in Ohio.  I always wanted to be a mom, and am fortunate to have been able to stay at home since Abby was born--she's now 6 years old and an amazing little girl in first grade.  I discovered with her birth that being a mom is a lot more isolating than I ever would have imagined, especially with a hard-studying husband in law school, so I joined a moms' group and really found my niche as a parent...until we moved after Dan graduated in 2008.

We are parents!

• Our second child, a son we named Jake, was born in 2009--sweetest, most chill baby ever, which totally lulled us into a false sense of security because he is now the wildest, orneriest 3-year-old with the biggest heart...his saving grace that helps us forgive him for all his craziness!  We lived in Texas for 1.5 years, and even though I really didn't like it there (okay, that's an understatement--I hated it there), those sweet days with my happy baby and my super helpful big girl were really great ones.  We lived in Texas until Dan deployed for the second time to Iraq.

Our family of four

• During Dan's 2nd deployment, I gave birth to our 3rd child, a son we named Alex...one of the most difficult experiences of my life.  Alex was a surprise (only 17 months after Jake), and knowing that Dan was going to be deployed for the last three months of what was probably my last pregnancy, Alex's birth, and most of his first year of life broke my heart and threw me into a pretty dark place.  I moved to Virginia and lived at my parents' house with the kids for the duration of the deployment, which was a tremendous help--I couldn't have made it through that year without them.  Alex was also The Worst Baby in History--absolutely adorable, but constantly screaming!  Even my mother, the best mom and grandma ever, was totally at her wits end with that baby.  Thankfully, he has mostly outgrown the screaming, and is a very sweet, still adorable 2-year-old.

Family of Five, together on Daddy's R&R from Iraq

• The deployment was hard on everyone--watching our kids miss their Daddy was the worst feeling for me, even worse than feeling so lonely myself.  Dan missed out on a lot of bonding with our sons (Jake was only 14 months old when he deployed, and Dan didn't even meet Alex in person until Alex was 4 months old...and then didn't live with us full time again until Alex was almost 1), and Abby was old enough to really hurt over his absence.  Maintaining a marriage via Skype while living at my parents' house with a screaming, exhausting newborn was also quite difficult--Dan and I did the best we could, but it was just plain hard.  He came home after a year with no kids and no family responsibilities to a life with three needy kids and an equally needy wife...the adjustment for all of us was monumental (and still ongoing, 1.5 years after his return).
• We were very fortunate to get stationed in Virginia near both our families after Dan's deployment, in a job that won't deploy Dan and that has very family-friendly hours...hard to come by in the military.  That's where we are today, living on the military installation five minutes from Dan's office.

It's not lost on me that this was supposed to be an "About Me" post, and I eventually fell into describing life events and my kids...my role as a mom is my most cherished role, and clearly it defines me and makes it hard for me to distinguish who I am apart from my husband and kids and our family.  I had goals and dreams before embarking on this military life, and yes, one of those dreams was to be a stay-at-home mom...so I'm living my dream!  It just doesn't always feel that way when I find myself at a loss to describe who I am as a person, what I like to do in my non-existent free time (of which I will have tons more and need to find ways to fill it once all the kids are in school full-time in 3 short years...), and what I want for me out of my life.  I could rattle on and on about what I want for my husband and my kids, but it's much harder when I try to think about what I want for me--the dilemma of most moms, I think.  So my current existential crisis that spurred my creation of The Good Housewife Project is hardly unique to me, nor is it catastrophic...it's just where I am right now in what has been an extraordinarily blessed life.