Thursday, January 31, 2013

What's Going On?

My thoughts are everywhere the last few days--I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions!  I'm not really sure why I feel so scattered--I'm getting more sleep than I usually do, I'm finally exercising regularly, and there's really nothing pressing happening right now.  I was just sitting down last night feeling thankful that the stress of the holidays is over and we don't really have anything big on the horizon...yet I still feel anxious?  I can't quite put my finger on the cause of my anxiety, but it may have to do with the fact that I'm trying to cram all my regular stuff into a shorter period of time every day.

how is it the end of January already?
My Challenge for a healthier lifestyle means that I'm going to bed by or before midnight most nights--cutting my days shorter by almost 2 hours when compared to my pre-Challenge hours.  That's a lot of time!  I tend to get a lot done in the wee hours of the morning, when the house is quiet and I have time with my own thoughts--I organize my calendar, catch up on emails, balance the checkbook...that kind of thing.  So without those hours to myself, I'm working those tasks into the daylight hours (or not accomplishing them at all?).  Our family calendar has been particularly stressful for me the last few weeks--I can't seem to get a handle on our days and feel very off-kilter about it.  Normally, I know the day's or week's activities off the top of my head, but when the kids were so sick for so long, they missed gymnastics and dance classes, and now we're adding make-up classes to our regular schedule of classes to make up for those sick days.  Abby's dance teacher got sick this week, and rescheduled her dance class twice, making my head spin a bit.  The 2nd make-up for that class conflicted with her make-up gymnastics class this week, so I had to reschedule that.  You know, that's just how it's been going--I can't keep up!

I'm also really grateful to be able to work out three evenings a week with these classes I've started, but the rush of those evenings is tough.  I leave home at 5pm (inevitably running out the door with barely time to say hello to Dan as he comes in to relieve me), and I get back home around 6:30pm.  Last night, I came in all sweaty and tired from a really fun Zumba class, and went straight into the kitchen to fix dinner, then cleaned up the kitchen, then Dan and I got the kids in bed...and I didn't sit down until after 8pm.  I wrenched my back on Monday (jumping to get an errant helium balloon off the ceiling...grrrr), and I've been in quite a bit of pain from that--thankfully, I was able to do the step class Monday night, and I did Zumba last night while hopped up on Motrin.  I've been sitting with a warm compress on my back since Monday--every time I sit down, I put the compress on.  It's not helping.  I think the pain is contributing to my anxiousness--I just want to be back to normal again!  I want to be feeling good, because I'm eating healthy and being it's just a bummer to be hurting (and the soreness in my calves from that darn step class hasn't helped!).

Carrying this around counts as weight training, right?

I think I just need to work on my daily efficiency--it's really hard when I have two little boys at home who love to play and always want me to play with them!  Since I don't really have anything big upcoming, it's hard to motivate myself to do the mundane tasks of running this household--the cleaning, the laundry, etc.  I've had a bottle of Fantastik and paper towels sitting in the downstairs bathroom for the last week...just waiting to be used to clean something!  I think I feel anxious because I don't think I'm doing enough--but the kids are healthy and happy, Dan and I are supporting each other (even if that means hardly seeing each other...something else to work on), the house isn't 100% clean, but it's not a dump, and I'm doing what I need to do for I think I just need to cut myself some slack, and take each day as it comes.  The guilt of spending this extra time on myself is hard to keep at bay, but in the end, it's not just time spent on myself--it's an invaluable example of good health that I'm passing on to our kids.  I just need to keep repeating that and feel proud of my efforts.


  1. I totally understand how you feel!!! I have that anxiety feeling all the time. I also make time to work out, but it seems to cost something very valuable: TIME!! If I work, then go to the gym afterwards, I come home to instant chaos and can't sit down until after the kids go to bed either. I'm so happy you wrote about this because I feel this way often and always thought it was just me. Again, it goes back to every positive has a negative. But, I'm trying to learn to retrain my thoughts and realize that although it is extremely hectic, it's extremely worthwhile in the long run. Keep it up Jill!!! You are doing great!!! And I love your blog, you are honest and real, both qualities that can be challenging to find in this day and age.

    1. Thank you, Adrienne! I enjoy your blog as well, and I really liked your positive/negative post--so true that it applies to everything. The constant anxiety is hard--I really do think all us moms need to give ourselves a break (which is easier said than done!). We are human, we are doing what is best for us and our families, and no matter what, we are enough. That's a hard concept when I feel like I can't keep up!