Pursuit of Happiness

Having a clean house makes me smile.  :)  I managed to get some kid-free time this week to clean my house, thanks to the kids having sleepovers with their grandparents--super exciting, huh?  I thought Dan and I might get a date night out of the deal as well, but he had too much reading to do...bummer.  But I kept smiling, and cleared about 7 trash bags full of toys out of the playroom and Jake's room--and no, I'm not kidding.  My kids have too much stuff!  I'm pretty proud of the clean-out effort--it was my most ambitious to date.  On previous cleans, I've held on to things that had sweet sentimental meaning to me...but weren't necessarily currently-played-with toys.  I had no sentimental qualms this time around--we were busting at the seams.  So now I have 7 trash bags added to the piles of disaster in my garage that I need to go through...but at least they're not in my house anymore!  The added floor space in the rooms is phenomenal.  So I've done fairly well on my Happiness Project (aka, Challenge #3) this week, but I haven't really been tested...so it feels a little like cheating.  I have conscientiously put a smile on my face throughout the last few days--there's definitely been effort, but I'm waiting for when things get hard to see how I handle it.  I won't have to wait long with the back-to-school craziness coming soon!

a much-needed reminder

The pursuit of happiness.  Is that wording not totally fascinating (and somewhat telling)?  It is to me.  I have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Happiness itself is not an inalienable right--I can pursue it to my heart's content, but it's not handed to me.  Being happy is not a given--and while that is true for everyone, I have felt it to be especially true for me the last 16 years.  I feel more comfortable when I'm slightly miserable--and I recognize that that's a terrible thing to say.  It almost seems like Challenge #3 is a challenge against my nature!  If you had encountered the 15-year-old me, you would have been accosted by a bubbly, perky cheerleader who was flirtatious, fun, and super energetic.  Most people evolve from their 15-year-old self, and I certainly have.  I had a really great childhood that informed my 15-year-old carefree attitude--it was the tumultuous transition to adulthood that brought me back down to earth.  I developed a biting sarcasm.  I dropped the bubbly cheerleader stereotype, because I've always been smart (and hated the inference that I wasn't just because of my short uniform skirt)...and I've always been a bit rebellious.  My steady state in college was trying not to drown in a competitive environment (that I absolutely loved, mind you).  Although I wasn't quite a kid anymore, I was not adult enough to escape the endless personal drama--I was the definition of an id-driven, world-revolves-around-me college girl.  I worked hard, I made so many mistakes, and my attitude reflected all my experiences.  It still does.  I often remark that I make the choices I do because I insist against my own happiness--when things are going well, I sabotage (as evidenced by my weight-loss issues!).

Now, as a 33-year-old mom-of-three, my attitude is more a reflection of the responsibilities of adult- and parenthood.  I have about 50 things in my head at once, and smiling isn't usually one of those 50 things!  Don't get me wrong--I smile and laugh plenty throughout my days.  My kids are pretty darn hysterical--the stuff that comes out of their mouths is priceless.  If I focused on their musings all day long, I'd be constantly smiling...but I have those 49 other things weighing on my mind.  Being an adult is not really a smile-fest, even when things are great.  I'm constantly thinking ahead to troubleshoot potential issues with the kids and our household, and of course, I'm constantly dealing with repercussions from past decisions (parenting is sometimes a torturous cycle of second-guessing...).  I try not to dwell on the past, or let it mess with my head--but some days, I can't help wondering how my life would be if I had been a better person/daughter/sister/friend/wife/parent at various points in time.  And that gets me wondering about how my life could be if I work on being a better person now.

I might be onto something here...

I have recently been watching "Secret Millionaire" on ABC, and I cry like a dork when the millionaires reveal themselves and give away some of their fortune to worthy causes.  I'm not a millionaire (in case you were wondering), but I really think that a key to happiness is helping others however you can--it's something that Dan and I have discussed many times in relation to the kids.  How can we instill in them the importance of helping others?  They seem really young to do some of the ideas we have come up with (at least all three of them--Abby could probably go to a food bank or soup kitchen at her age), so I'm hoping that the concept will be easier to impress upon them as they get older.  I used to spend a lot of my hours volunteering--something of which I was (and still am!) extremely proud.  I started volunteering when I was maybe 14 or 15 years old, and continued devoting a large portion of my time until I was 24--first I was candy-striping at a local hospital, then I volunteered with the local Office on Youth, and then I worked for a national non-profit (paid when I worked at the national office, but all volunteer for the hundreds of hours I put in on the local and state level).  At that point, I was a little burned out the politics and hours of volunteering, and I was newly married...I felt like a break was in order.  I didn't realize the break would last for almost 10 years now, and I've been thinking a lot lately about how to get back into some volunteer work.  With the boys still at home with me full-time, I can't even manage a day volunteering in Abby's classroom, so most of it is just daydreaming--but when all three kids are in school, I want to find a passion for volunteering again.  What causes will I want to champion--the same ones as my younger self, or new issues?  I'm honestly excited to find out who I am through volunteering again--it's a great way to define what's in your heart, feel connected to a larger purpose, and re-energize.  Until then, I'm going to start keeping an eye out for small, doable opportunities to help others--because that genuinely brings happiness all around, and because I hope to give my kids the same foundation in service that I had growing up.  What are some good, small volunteering ideas for young kids that you guys have discovered?  I may have to google and get going!

Back to Reality

I'm back!  I know it's been a long hiatus, and I have TONS to write about to catch you up on our last few crazy weeks.  I'm sitting down now, though, because I felt compelled to write right now about something I didn't really intend to discuss at all...much less address in my first post back.  The need to write has gripped me all day, so here goes...

Cory Monteith.  Before this week, I don't think I could have told you the name of the guy who played Finn on Glee.  If I could have pulled his name out of my head (from the ridiculous amount of MSN gossip I read), I doubt I would have pronounced it correctly.  Of course, that has changed this week, with his untimely death being a huge topic of discussion--Dan's dad texted me at 7:54am Sunday morning to inform me.  My father-in-law was the last person I would have imagined to be touched by this particular actor's death, but he was, and felt the need to share it with me as soon as he heard.  I got his text when I woke up, and while I thought it was sad news, I surprisingly didn't dwell on it too much--I have a massive tendency to consume myself with tragic stories, but Cory's death sort of rolled over me like a passing wave (probably because it was the morning after we returned from our beach vacation, and I was too tired to give anything much effort).  I thought about Glee and how that was a bummer for the show, and about Lea Michele coping with the loss of her boyfriend...and then I went on with my day.

Cory Monteith, aka Finn Hudson

Glee was a favorite show for Dan and me when it premiered in 2009--the perfect premise for a former choir girl who can still sing along to every song on the radio.  Dan enjoyed the show a lot, and in fact, he was the one pushing us to watch Season 3 when I had sort of lost interest--the songs were okay, but the story wasn't grabbing me like it once had.  Season 4 dropped off Dan's radar entirely (which I found weird since he was so into Season 3--he's an enigma sometimes), but it was still on our DVR, so I found myself folding laundry and checking in with the characters every week despite Dan's refusal to watch it with me.  I don't love the new cast members, and actually, if you asked me who my favorite Glee character in general is, I couldn't tell you--no one is really a favorite, because I don't really love any of them and never have.  It's just been a fun show to watch and enjoy the singing--although now that I think of it, I was totally taken with Blaine when he first came on the show (oh, those Warblers and their Teenage Dream...).  Rachel annoys me (despite her obvious enormous talent), Finn's doltishness bothers me...but I do think they are cute together.  I watched last season with my remote in hand, fast-forwarding some of the new cast plot and a lot of the songs (funny, since the songs were what drew me to the show when it started), just so that I could see what was happening with Rachel in New York and all the other original cast members.  I thought the school shooting episode last season was extremely poignant in a way that the earlier seasons of the show really moved me.  I actually watched all the singing parts of the Guilty Pleasures episode, so there were a few recent episodes that I enjoyed and weren't just time-killers for me.  I wasn't counting down to the new season or fretting over what would happen with Rachel or Finn--in other words, I'm not a Gleek.

My nonchalant attitude toward Cory's death lasted about a day--until I was scolding Alex for doing something obnoxious with my usual first-and-middle-name combination.  "Alexander Finn!"  Finn.  Huh...it hadn't really dawned on me that Alex's middle name was sort of associated with Cory Monteith's character--we didn't choose Finn because of the show, although I'm definitely not above naming our kids after favorite TV/movie character names:  Abby's middle name comes from one of my favorite movies (Somewhere in Time...don't make fun of me), and Finn was inspired by the name of Poppy Montgomery's character's son's name on Without a Trace (did you follow that??).  Her son was only on the last season, and I don't even think they ever showed him since he was just a baby and didn't come to work with her, but I watched the show regularly and the way she said his name stuck with me--I liked how it sounded, and threw it into play when it came to naming Alex a few years later.  When we named Alex, I was concerned that Finn was too "pop culture," given that folks would probably think we named him after Finn on Glee.  As a middle name, though, I decided not to worry about it too much--we had such a terrible time coming up with Alex's name as it was that I wasn't going to let something like people thinking we were huge Glee fans get in the way of a name Dan and I finally both agreed on and liked!  Amusingly to me, my niece's middle name is Quinn, so we have the original Glee power couple covered--an odd coincidence.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I am way more of a crime drama girl than sitcom girl--my only pet as an adult was a cat named McCoy, after Jack McCoy on Law & Order.  Not only do I not object to using a name from TV, but apparently I have a TV name-stealing problem...)

my Alex Finn

After the Finn/Finn association hit me, I spent some time googling Cory and learned more about his life and struggles.  I watched some old Glee clips from the first few seasons, and felt pretty sad about the whole thing--he really seemed like a good guy who was trying to do the right things in his battle with addiction.  When I hear about tragedies (be they drunk driving crashes, untimely deaths, mass shootings), I'm always struck with a desire to rewind time--if we could just go back to yesterday when everything was fine and the world wasn't upside down.  If only the car struck by the drunk driver had gotten stuck at a light a fraction of a second longer.  If only that person had missed their flight on a plane that eventually crashed.  If only.  As a parent, these kinds of deaths really bother me--I was giving the boys a bath today and thinking about the fact that Cory's mom gave him countless baths just like I have my boys, and she never envisioned the path his life would take.  That he would be a problem child in high school, and eventually drop out.  That he would become a famous actor.  That he would succumb to a heroin addiction.  He was just her little boy, as Jake and Alex are mine--with her hopes and dreams for their future first and foremost in her heart.  It makes me want to bottle my kids up in a safe cocoon--I know I can't keep them out of harm's way forever, but I wish there were a magic wand to help fend off some of these future unforeseen heartbreaks.

So I didn't intend to write a random tribute-ish post to Cory Monteith ever in my life, but being a parent changes my whole perspective on life and death.  I'm holding my kids tighter and sending up some positive thoughts that my sweet kiddos' unique personalities/tendencies perfectly align with all our parenting efforts to somehow keep them safe, healthy, and happy for as long as they are meant to be on this earth.  And I would be remiss (if not a bit off topic) if I didn't say a happy anniversary to my sweet husband today--we stood in a little chapel right down the street from our current house and promised our lives to each other 9 years ago.  I love you, honey!

Monday is NOT a Fun Day

Yesterday was one of those days when I probably should have just gotten back into bed as soon as I got up in the morning...and I totally would have, if that had been an option.  I had grand plans to get a lot accomplished--namely, uncovering the house because it looks like a Tazmanian Devil has swirled his way through the living room and kitchen.  Mondays are my days for de-cluttering, according to the Cleaning Schedule, but there's so much clutter built up from the weekend that I wasn't sure I could accomplish that goal and the 50 other things that needed to get done.  I started with getting laundry in the washing machine (after sending Abby out the door in the rain with Dan to catch the bus), and I was feeling decent about getting that chore started early so that I could focus on clearing out the junk all over the floor and counters from the weekend.  We had a busy, fun weekend...which was great, but come Monday morning, the boys and I were definitely fun-ed out--aka, exhausted and cranky.  They were hitting and screaming at each other, and not sharing more than usual--and I was barely awake, on a mission to get my stuff done, and not wanting to deal with their stuff.  It was ugly--I wasn't getting much done because I was putting out fires between them every five seconds (and dust busting cereal off the floor...grrr...), and there was lots of yelling out of all three of us.

not happening yesterday...

I managed to get lunch on the table at a decent, early time--which is totally crucial for Monday success since Abby has dance class and I need Alex up from his nap early in order to get her to class on time.  Dan even came home at the tail end of lunch and helped me corral the boys into their rooms for nap and quiet time.  Of course, getting lunch on the table at a decent time does not ensure getting Alex down for his nap at a decent time--it usually helps, but he managed to mess up the timeframe yesterday by refusing to eat his lunch (and just generally being crazy slow about all of it) and also by taking forever in the bathroom before nap.  It was after 1pm when I got him down, which is tight when I'm trying to get out the door for dance class by 3:45pm.  Dan was still here, so he and I pow-wowed about the plan for the afternoon--he said he could actually get Abby at 3:50pm, drive her to dance class, and pick her up for me so that I wouldn't have to drag everyone out in the rain...perfect!  Dan went back to work, and I had about 2 hours to get my stuff done.  First on my list was more laundry (had to get delicates out of the dryer...my least favorite part of the laundry process, other than folding!), and then my stomach was growling, so I made myself some lunch and sat down for a few minutes.  I had just finished eating when Jake called because he needed to go to the bathroom--and while I was upstairs with him, I heard my alarm go off on my phone indicating that Abby's bus would be arriving soon.  I dismissed the alarm when I came back downstairs--I had asked her to walk home from the bus stop since I knew Alex would be sleeping (Mondays are her early-out day, so it always conflicts with naptime), so I had some extra time to get a few more things done before I stood outside and watched her bus drop her.  I always watch her get off the bus and walk all the way home--it just gives me peace of mind to know that she's in my sight the whole way.

My mom called to talk to me about stuff for Abby's upcoming birthday party--she was at the store and had some questions about what I needed her to pick up for me.  I chatted with her while pulling up the recipe for the crock pot meal I was fixing for dinner (Sesame Ginger Chicken), and started thinking about the prep for getting the pot going--it was already almost 2pm!  I was off the phone and prepping food stuff for dinner when I heard a noise at our front door--the mail slot, which I thought was odd, because the mail had already come for the day.  I panicked that somehow Jake had gotten out of his room and was attempting an escape out the front door--I was on my way to investigate when I heard a little knock on the front door and I realized my failure...  Abby was at the front door, which was locked, after having walked home unsupervised from the bus!  I felt awful--I've never done that before, and with the creepy stuff happening at her school two weeks ago, I totally should have been more vigilant with my sweet girl.  I can't believe I got wrapped up in other stuff and forgot one of my most important duties of the day!  Ugh.  I just felt awful.  She came in and we chatted about her day at school, and then she had a snack and read to me from her chapter book while I again attempted to get something in the crock pot.  I had the chicken prepped with carrots in the pot, and turned it on shortly after 2:30pm...and then I perused the rest of the recipe.  Crap--it called for cooking it on high for an hour, then switching the pot down to low for 2+ more hours...before draining the liquid, adding veggies, and cooking for another 45 minutes or so.  The draining and whatnot would have to happen around 5:30pm--smack in the middle of my step class.  Obviously this is not a good meal to make on a night when I have an exercise class--because either Dan has to handle those last steps (draining and adding all the veggies), or we eat really late.  Neither option is great.  This week is my last week for the aerobic program I've been doing here, because the 10-week session is coming to an end, and I'm fairly certain I'm not signing up for the next session because of Dan's changing work schedule.  I called Dan at work, totally frustrated with myself for the poor planning, and hashed out a new plan for our evening:  he would come home at 3:50pm, at which time I would take Abby to dance class and then head over to the pool to swim laps for about 45 minutes, before running back over to the dance studio and picking Abby up at the end of her class.  Then I would be home around 5:15pm, and be able to handle the last few steps of the dinner prep so that we could eat around 6pm.  I was okay with skipping my final step class--a little bummed about it, but at least I was replacing it with some exercise, and it was what worked for my family last night.

sometimes I have so many browsers open, I crash

So that meant I had to prep all the veggies for the pot, get Abby ready for dance class, and get myself ready for the pool in the next 25 minutes--I flew through everything I needed to do, and was just putting the finishing touches on Abby's ballerina bun when Dan walked in the door.  Maybe I was going to pull off this crazy day after all!  Of course, just as Abby and I open the front door, the sky opened up and sheets of rain start pouring down.  She grabbed her umbrella, but I got soaked on the way to the car--I figured it didn't really matter since I was about to get in the pool anyway.  We drove in extremely low visibility to her dance studio and sloshed our way inside...we were both soaked.  My pants were wet all the way to my knees.  I scooted her to her classroom, only to discover that the lights were out...what?  Earlier in the day, another mom had emailed our class to ask if dance class was still on for the day--things had gotten confused because Monday was supposed to be "theater day" (just a regular dance class, but held in the theater to get the kids used to the space and more comfortable on the stage prior to their recital) to prep for this weekend's recital, but then the recital had to be relocated and the new location didn't allow for a theater day...  I had emailed the coordinator last week to make sure there was no theater day (there was never any communication about it), and she confirmed that there would be no theater day.  I just assumed that even though they couldn't practice in the recital venue, they would still have their regular dance class.  So I helpfully responded to the whole class email list that I believed we did have class...  Um, I was so wrong.  Other moms were now ushering their girls in from the driving rain (including a mom on crutches--I felt so terrible!) based on my erroneous assumption.  Ugh--I'm just going to assume that all the class moms now hate me, and I'm sure that's a correct assumption.  Back through the flooded parking lot to our car we went, and I dropped Abby at home before heading out to the pool as I had planned.  I got in the water and tried to shake off the bad day--the water felt good, and I was determined to get a comparable workout to my usual Monday step class.  I swam more than half a mile in about 40 minutes, and then I headed back home to tackle dinner.

I got home around 5:15pm, and went straight for the crock pot.  After my previous attempt at a crock pot meal when I discovered that I had neglected to plug the pot in, I was vigilant about making sure that I had set everything up correctly yesterday.  I had--everything was plugged in, the pot was on low, and I was ready to dump the juices and put the veggies in before grabbing a quick shower.  Only when I went to lift the pot out, I noticed that the chicken didn't look cooked at all--and upon touching the pot itself, I noted that it was cold.  Not hot, not warm, just plain old cold.  I was so confused--I checked the plug, which was securely in the outlet, and then I took the crock out and turned the pot upside down to see if the cord had somehow gotten severed.  I was convinced that my pot was broken, because turning the dial from Low to High did nothing.  I was distraught--my dinner was ruined, and so was my crock pot.  Before throwing the whole thing away, I remembered that I used to have problems with oulets in our house in Texas--when the GFCI breaker on the wall outlet pops, none of the outlets on that circuit will work until you push the GFCI button again.  I looked around the kitchen, and sure enough, there was a GFCI outlet--and depressing the button made my crock pot outlet work.  I had done everything right--I had no idea that the outlet wasn't working.  Ugh.  Poor Dan had to go out and grab Subway for dinner, because he was starving and didn't want to wait another 3 hours for dinner.  I didn't blame him.  I was dejected when I went upstairs to shower--what a totally poor effort I had made for the day.  I missed my step class for a dinner that I didn't even make, I took Abby to a dance class that didn't exist, and I forgot to watch my girl get off the bus.  Not to mention, I hadn't picked up any clutter in the house!

this one is just plain depressing!

Dinner didn't get any better--the kids were having leftovers from our dinner out with Dan's parents on Sunday night, and even though it was stuff they loved, they still managed to scream and cry and fuss about it.  Jake likes to make a huge mess and then laugh--he spills applesauce and yogurt everywhere, like a baby instead of a 4.5-year-old.  Alex refused to eat his macaroni because I gave him an orange spoon instead of a blue spoon (seriously?).  At one point in the chaos, I told the kids that I just can't wait until they all grow up and turn 18 and move out of the house so that Dan and I can have a meal without screaming--to which Abby hurtfully responded that parents aren't supposed to say stuff like that to their kids (she's most likely right...), and Alex started crying even more hysterically because he wants Mommy to go with him when he moves out.  Seriously.  I mentally checked out at that point and began cutting coupons--because I was done with my dinner and the coupon inserts were part of the clutter I needed to clear off the table.  The kids kept screaming, and I told them that I was on the verge of becoming scary--they just laughed at me.  They were not understanding the gravity of the situation (ie, my imminent mental breakdown) until I told them that they probably didn't want to make me angry while I had scissors in my hand--and if they didn't all quiet down and eat their dinners, I would be taking those scissors to all their favorite possessions.  I told Jake I would figure out how to cut up his trains (probably not possible, but it would be the effort that counted), and I told Alex that he had better eat that macaroni with his orange spoon or his beloved Lamby might meet my scissors.  It was a stellar parenting moment--thankfully, I don't think anyone believed me, but it did scare them enough that they finally finished their food without me having to resort to further threats.  For the record, I would never cut Alex's precious Lamby or Jake's trains (or anything else important to my kids!)...it was just one of those days.

I have three kids, so my mind is especially lost

Wow, writing all that out makes me feel like a really bad parent!  It was an epic failure of a day on so many fronts.  Notes to self:  Get more sleep, don't set unrealistic goals for your day when you know the children will derail you at every possible turn, don't forget your children at the bus stop, don't take your kids to activities they don't have, maybe you're not cut out for using a crock pot since you seem to screw it up more often than not, and don't threaten to take scissors to your children's prized possessions...no matter how bad the day is.  On the bright side, Abby is done with dance, so my Mondays will be slightly easier for the next two weeks until school is out!  And at least I already have dinner prepped for tonight...kudos to me for finding a few silver linings in the black clouds over my entire day yesterday.  :)

Abby's Room Makeover

Last weekend was devoted to updating Abby's room a little bit.  This wasn't really a project on my radar, but a few months ago, a woman was literally giving away an IKEA Tromso loft bed...  They were moving and her son no longer needed the bed, so she said whoever wanted it could come pick it up for free.  I immediately pounced on it, because Abby has been fascinated by loft beds ever since she got her American Girl doll last year--her doll is McKenna, and in the books about McKenna, they describe her room in detail...including her loft bed.  So of course, Abby wanted a bed like McKenna's!  I hadn't really given much thought to upgrading her bed until that loft bed basically fell into my lap--I picked it up and we put it in the garage, pending a decision about our move this summer.  I told Abby that we would put the bed up at our new house after we moved, or put it up in her room here if we weren't moving--so since we aren't moving, we picked out a weekend when Dan's parents could come help us set up the new bed, and that was this past weekend!

Abby's pinkalicious bed area, before makeover!

I realized pretty late to the game that I wasn't at all ready for putting a new, different-size bed in her room...  Abby has had the same toddler bed since we first moved her from her crib when she was 2 years old, and the new loft bed is a twin bed--so we needed a new mattress and all new bedding, just for starters!  I got on my computer during naptime last Thursday and Friday, and googled ideas for loft beds in girls bedrooms.  For one, there are a lot of good, cute ideas out there!  For another, it was a little overwhelming...and a lot of the ideas had no instructions to go along with them--and I am not a crafty, figure-it-out kind of girl.  I need clear directions, people!  I found a lot of ideas for what I wanted to do with the space under the bed--she definitely needed a bigger desk (her previous desk was a nightstand that we had converted into a little table for her), and I wanted her to have "hangout" space under the bed as well, for reading and playing.  To make the space more private, I wanted to put up some sort of curtain so that she could have a little fort under there.  Some of the pictures I saw of loft rooms showed twinkly lights under the bed, illuminating the space underneath, and I thought that was a great idea--so I added lights to my list!  She keeps a clock and a box of tissues on her nightstand every night, so I was concerned about how to address that issue with a loft bed...I think I spent hours googling "clamp on tray for bed" or "bedside table for loft bed."  I couldn't find a lot of options for that--I considered having a friend in England order one and ship it to me, because apparently the English have the market on those tray things, but they won't ship to the US!  I also knew from having a bunk bed in college that she might like a light up on her bed for reading or whatever--so I wanted to look for a clamp light while we were shopping.  It was a long list, and I wasn't entirely sure I had covered all my bases for this new bed set up...but off to IKEA we went!

IKEA is not for the faint of heart--it's awesome, amazing, confusing, and a total maze.  IKEA with three kids in tow is basically the idiot's way of shopping there...and that's exactly what we did.  I told Dan in the parking lot that IKEA has a "kids zone" where the kids could go while we shopped, but he nixed that idea as soon as it was out of my mouth--he said he didn't want to deal with them melting down when we left them there.  Of course, they saw the kids area as soon as we walked in and begged to go in and play, but I told them they were too short (little white lie...Alex may actually be too short, but Abby and Jake are not)--to which Dan replied, "No, they're not."  Clearly he was not on the same page with me about lying to them for the greater good--if we say no because we're mean Mommy and Daddy, then we get whining and fussing, but if we say no because the rules say they can't go in, it's not our fault.  Urgh.  We trudged on, with both boys in the bed of a shopping cart, and Abby walking with me.  The boys beat each other, fought over toys, and stood up in the moving cart more times than I could count, and I thought Dan's head was going to explode.  Even with all that, we managed to come out of the store two hours later with an impressive (and expensive) array of goods:

• twin mattress, bedding set, sheet set and comforter
• new pillow and throw pillows for against the wall on top of her bed
• a desk and desk chair
• 2 strings of twinkle lights
• a clamp reading light
• grip strip for the bed ladder (the used strip was worn off)

I had intended to go to Target and Bed Bath and Beyond after IKEA, but seriously, it was 6:30pm when we left IKEA.  We were all starving, and I don't think Dan could have handled more shopping.  We drove to the Red Robin near IKEA, and the wait for a table was 20 minutes.  I did quick math in my head and thought I could scramble to the nearest Bed Bath and Beyond (just 2 shopping centers over!), grab what I needed from there, and get back in time to get seated...but just in case, I left Dan and Alex at the restaurant, and dragged Abby and Jake through Bed Bath and Beyond in record time.  I grabbed sheer curtain panels to help create the little fort under the loft, and I bought a "BunkPal Bed Shelf" that I thought might work for the floating nightstand--I thought I would give that a try before I special ordered from England!  Since Abby's new bed is metal, I wasn't sure if I would be able to attach the table...and I was also concerned about how to attach the curtains under the loft because of the metal frame.  But I hoped for the best with what I got, and we had a good dinner...and only got the kids in bed an hour after bedtime.

I spent a few hours that night cleaning up the metal bed frame--it had been in our garage for months, so it was dusty and grungy...and plus, it had been used by a little boy for years, so I wanted to make sure it was as good as new.  We also needed to attach the new grip strips to the ladder so that Abby's feet don't slip off!  After that project was all done, the bed was ready for assembly the next day.  The assembly wasn't all that hard, but it definitely required more than 2 people to hold the frame upright and attach everything together--we were so glad and grateful for Dan's parents' help!  I had put the sheets on the new mattress on the floor, so that was ready to go once the frame was up.  I remembered the twinkle lights at the last second (literally, Dan and I had the mattress and were getting ready to hoist it up top when I remembered I should probably do the lights first!).  I took both strands of lights and laid them on top of the bed frame itself, and let the lights fall in between the grid so that they wouldn't be crushed by the mattress.  We arranged the lights the way we wanted them, and then laid the mattress on top of the strands.  It looked great!

purple jewels and white flower lights under the loft

We had to break at this point in the project for dinner, and then I raced back upstairs to try to clean up some of the mess we had made in Abby's bedroom before she had to go to bed!  I put Abby's pink fluffy rug under the loft, and arranged her new desk and chair at one end.  Then I stored the bins that had been under her old bed next to her desk, out of sight but still accessible to her.  I moved her "bear chair" (also from IKEA, but from a few years ago--it's been a staple in her room for 4 years!) to the other end of her new under-loft area to create a little reading nook down there for her.

new desk with a pink swivel chair!

bear chair reading nook under the loft

I still hadn't figured out how I was going to hang the curtains to close off the loft area and give it a fort feeling under there.  I couldn't put up a tension rod, and I didn't want to drill anything into the metal.  I thought about fishing wire at the last minute--maybe I could tie it onto the bed rails inconspicuously, in a way that would hold the curtains and also allow Abby to open and close them as she wants to.  Dan's parents didn't have any fishing wire, but they did have beading thread, which is similar--they brought that with them for me to try.  I didn't have much time before Abby's bedtime, but I ran the beading thread through the rod pocket of the curtains and then tied the thread in multiple ways around the bed frame.  I pulled it as tight as I could, and I tied the two front panels up in the middle so that it wouldn't sag too much.  I hung one panel on the open side of the bed, to fully enclose the loft area.  The beading thread worked out pretty well--I was pleasantly surprised that my jerry-rigging idea was successful!  The thread is rated to hold up to 12 pounds, and it does sag, but I think it's a cute effect.

the finished product!

with the curtains open

you can see the beading thread hanging the curtain here

Then it was time for the finishing touches up on top of her bed--I added the pink clamp light, and I tried the bedside table...which worked!  You can see it in the photo above--it's wood stained, so I think eventually, I will paint it to better match the bedroom.  But it's a perfect shelf--totally sturdy, and it fits her tissues, her clock, her nightlight, and a cup of water.  I also put the throw pillows up top to create sort of a couch-like effect if she wants to sit up against the wall on top of her mattress, and she put all her bed friends where they belonged.

reading light and bedside table

Abby said her bed is like a hotel bed--so comfy!  :)

The only thing I didn't think of with this project is the fact that hot air rises, and Abby's room gets particularly warm in the summer (and cold in the winter)--so it's fairly warm way up there.  Abby has been sleeping in shorts and tank tops to stay cool, but I also just ordered a clamp-on fan to add to her accessories up there!  I ordered one without a blade, so hopefully there won't be a danger of hair getting stuck in it...my mom had to cut my hair out of a fan once when I was little, so I was conscientious about that possible issue--I don't want Abby's hair to meet the same fate!

Abby absolutely loves her new bed and room set-up--she begs to play in her room after school, and she actually asked to go to bed Monday night so that she could enjoy her cozy little nest up there.  I told her that she's like Rapunzel up in her tower!  She really is up high--I can stand under her bed without having to duck, and I'm 5'3" tall...it's a high bed.  But she adores it, and I'm so glad we made this change for her--she was ready for a big girl bed to match her almost-7-year-old life and needs.  I loved doing this project for her, and seeing it come to fruition like I envisioned--it really makes me smile to see her so happy in her own space.

perfect for my girl!

Acts of Kindness

It's Wednesday already, and my goal when I started this blog was to try to post at least Monday through Thursday...and now I've missed two days!  It has been really hard for me to think about writing something frivolous about my life when such sad things are happening in Connecticut.  I've really felt on edge emotion-wise since Friday, and at a loss for words.  I've been trying to spend a lot of time with the kids doing what they want to do, which does not include watching Mommy type on her computer.  I'm getting back on the horse and attempting some normalcy today--bear with me if this is a bit rocky, since that's pretty much how I feel.

I think it goes without saying that all of us are holding our kids a little tighter the last few days.  I always put a note in Abby's lunch box every day, just reminding her that I love her and including a little encouragement for her day--sometimes reminding her to work on a spelling word that has been giving her trouble, sometimes just asking her to smile.  On Monday, she came home from school and told me that she got the longest note that she's ever gotten in her lunch, and it was true--I was super emotional sending her out the door that morning, and my note reflected some of my anxiety.

I hugged and kissed Jake so much at bedtime the other night that he finally said, "Um, Mommy?  Are you going to be done soon, because I really need to go to sleep!"  I don't think I'll ever be done, kiddo.  I think the kids are finding me slightly annoying, but I do feel like a Good Mother--an overemotional mother, but a good one nonetheless.  I just wish it didn't take so much sadness to inspire more patience and love in our days--but at least that is one good thing that I can do in my life to honor those precious babies.

By the time Abby went back to school on Monday, I was such an irrationally anxious mess...I just decided that I needed to DO something.  Anything.  When people I know have babies, I make dinner for them--because new parents often don't think about or have time to deal with dinner.  When a friend lost a baby, I sent money for a gift because I wasn't close enough to make food to bring over to alleviate the day-to-day concerns amidst their grief.  In my 80-member moms' group in Ohio, I was the "Special Assistance Coordinator"--I coordinated a dinner-making schedule for new moms (dinners provided to new moms for 2 weeks or longer from all the generous moms in our group!), I coordinated babysitting if a mom needed to take a sick child to the doctor and had other kids at home, I coordinated goody bags or baskets if a child in our group was in the hospital...I was the go-to girl to help when someone in our group was in need.  I was thinking about those 20 families, and how if I lived in Newtown, I would bring meals to all of them because they probably aren't thinking too much about cooking or feeding their kids...  Then I remembered a story about a popular deli in town, and how one of the boys ate there with his father that morning--it was something they did often together.  I looked up the Misty Vale Deli online, and called them--a man answered the phone, and was very patient with me as I fumbled through introducing myself.  He sounded really sad.  I said I live in Virginia, and I wanted to give the deli money to provide meals for anyone who needs it--when someone comes in, the deli can use their discretion to provide their meal for them on me.  The man said he knew a woman who had lost her son, and that he would make sure my money went to pay for a few of that family's meals--he wanted my name so that he could tell her who provided the food, but I just said, "Please tell her that we're a family in Virginia who has a daughter in first grade."  I was crying.  He took my credit card and thanked me, and I hung up the phone and just sobbed.  When I was done crying, it felt like a weight had been lifted a little from my chest--yes, I'm still emotional and very sad, but doing something to help someone who needed it really helped me feel better.  They probably don't need my money, but I hope that when that woman comes in to pick up her food, she feels a sort of virtual hug from my family when they tell her that it's already been paid for.

I read online yesterday about a movement started by Ann Curry called #26Acts, where folks are doing 26 Acts of Kindness to honor those sweet children and educators.  I think that movement has it right--kindness in the face of such grief is like a lifeline.  When Abby came home from school on Monday, I told her that I had been feeling sad the last few days (she knows just briefly about what happened, because we didn't want her hearing about it at school and getting upset) and that by doing something nice for someone, I finally felt a little better--a good lesson at Christmastime and always.

So this is Christmas...

I was rushing around trying to make dinner on Friday afternoon for one of Dan's work colleagues who just had a baby.  I saw in passing a post on Facebook about a school shooting, with maybe 1 fatality (I figured a teacher, most likely), but I had raw chicken on my hands, so I went back to my task and was generally oblivious for the next few hours while I prepped all the chicken, fruit, and veggies for Dan to pick up.  When I sat down at my computer around 3pm, my heart broke into a thousand pieces--I felt so, so sick, and then I felt frantic for my own kids.  Jake was safe playing up in his room.  Alex was still taking a nap in his crib.  Abby.  Abby was in her first grade classroom at her school, where she is supposed to be kept safe out of my protection for almost 8 hours every weekday.  She had about an hour left of school, and I just kept irrationally thinking that I needed to call Dan to go pick her up and bring her home to me.  I needed to see her, even though I knew she was okay, but I think it was just the mom in me--I just wanted to hug my baby girl when so many parents were experiencing the unthinkable and could no longer hug their sweet babies.  I eventually called Dan to simply implore that he get to the bus stop early so that just in case they were early, he was there to watch our girl get off the bus safely.  Predictably, Dan thought I was going a little overboard--I tend to immerse myself totally in these types of tragedies, and dwell on them for days...sometimes weeks...sometimes months...  He thinks this is an unhealthy OCD aspect of my personality, but I just call it compassion--I can't help it if my heart hurts when other people are hurting.  I stood at my front door in my pjs and a heavy coat, watching for Abby's bus to pull up at the top of our loop, and I could see her pink coat as she stepped off and into Dan's safekeeping.  I waited until she got out of Dan's car, and scooped her up into the biggest hug I think I've ever given her--my sweet 6-year-old, home safe in my arms.

I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about those poor families, and those precious children.  I've cried today and felt on the verge of tears many other times--I just can't shake it.  I had to go to the commissary this morning, and I felt raw--like here I was, running totally mundane errands, when the mothers of those children most likely can't get out of bed.  I was looking at the other shoppers for hints of their sadness, and I felt an overwhelming urge to be kind to everyone.  I wondered if I had the word "MOM" stamped on my forehead, if people would see me and know that because I'm a mom, my heart is broken today.  I saw the little kids that other shoppers had brought with them, heard a parent yelling at her two kids because they were messing with the cart and blocking the aisle, and wondered if those Newtown parents had similar (totally normal) moments of parental exasperation that now fill them with regret.  The commissary was playing Christmas carols over the sound system, and I felt festivity out of my reach today.  Then, over the noise in the store, I heard the chords of "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" and this lyric played loud and clear:

"A very merry Christmas, and a happy New Year.                                                                    Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear."

Without any fear.  I just don't know how I can not be fearful as a parent, and never has that felt so acute as it does right now.  So many things we take for granted with our sweet kiddos--that they'll grow up, that they'll live a full life, that they will fulfill their potential.  Abby's dance teacher sent me an email today saying that Abby is "such a good girl and a great little dancer," and that I will be amazed at how she grows as a dancer over the next few years if she sticks with it.  I told Dan about her thoughtful email, and Dan speculated that maybe Abby will grow up to be a famous ballerina (her current dream), or maybe she'll be an artist since she loves to draw.  I immediately felt guilty for contemplating a future for our girl, because other parents had that ability stolen from them--they had so many hopes and dreams for their little ones as well.  It just tears me apart inside.

I know this feeling won't last for me--I'll eventually revert to my normal flustered parenting style with plenty of yelling and time outs, but today, I just hugged Abby, Jake, and Alex as many times as they would let me, and told them over and over again how much I love them, and how special and wonderful they are.  I have the luxury of a life unshattered tonight, and of having this sadness fade over time--that community has no such luxuries.  I owe it to them to love my babies as fiercely as possible for as long as I'm given.

the loves of my life

Too Much TV

It was a long weekend in the Christmas card factory, but all our cards have gone out in the mail...so the factory is officially closed until next year!  Hooray!  I meant to write a little more about our much-maligned Christmas card newsletter in my last post, but got sidetracked by the cards themselves.  I wanted to say that I love our newsletter, and refuse to stop writing it even though I know some folks think it's way too long (my own brother and sister-in-law included!) because it provides a way for me to chronicle each year in the life of our family.  I love re-reading our newsletters from previous years and remembering our experiences as a family--I don't journal or scrapbook, so our Christmas card serves that function for me...really, the recipients should be thankful that I somehow pare down 12 months into two pages.  :)  Also, I know there are other Christmas newsletter junkies out there, just like me, and I hope many of them are on our mailing list and actually do appreciate my effort!  Okay, enough about that.

We're in the middle of an unplanned experiment at our house.  I wrote previously about Jake's inability to get out of diapers, and my frustration with that problem...but I haven't yet written about my children's (and my) love of TV.  Moms everywhere will tell you that their kids don't watch TV, whether or not it's true...I am not that mom.  My kids watch way too much TV.  I admit it, and I'll give you a brief history on how this all happened.  When Abby was born, we had such high ideals for our parenting--I don't think we ever agreed out loud on no TV until she was 2, or only 30 minutes a day, but those recommendations were at the back of my mind as we embarked on parenthood.  Abby turned out to be a very clingy kid--Dan and I had very little peace, especially in the evenings (aka, the dinnertime witching hour).  When she was about 6 months old, we discovered Baby Einstein--more specifically, Baby Einstein's Baby Newton video (all about shapes!).  That darn shape clown gave Dan and me our first quiet dinner since she was born, with Abby happily engrossed in a totally different room than where we were eating (in actuality, she was less than 5 feet from me, but technically she was in the living room and we were in the dining room).  Dan and I didn't even speak to each other the whole meal for fear that we would break the spell--we just gestured excitedly at each other and were in awe of how that clown gave us back some of the space for which we were desperate.

I still know that song by heart, and the dancing clown still makes me so happy!  I'm tempted to show that clip to Abby now to see if she remembers it at all...that girl watched A LOT of Baby Newton.  After Baby Newton broke the ice, I allowed some Sesame Street in the house--it was okay for her to watch TV, as long as it was educational, not annoying (crucial for Mommy's sanity!), and on PBS.  I had some standards--no Barney for us!  Sesame Street was a daily staple at our house back then, but we were also super busy--Abby and I had a very active social calendar in our Ohio moms' group, so we weren't home to watch much TV.

Fast forward to Texas, and a 2nd baby.  We were home a lot more after Jake was born, in part because we had a newborn in the house, and in part because we knew fewer people and therefore had a less-active calendar.  We watched a lot of DVDs at this point (Strawberry Shortcake and princesses were a favorite for our 3-year-old...and still are now that she's 6!), and we branched out to a few more PBS shows--Sid the Science Kid became one of Abby's favorites at that time.  Again, educational TV...no junk.  We threw in a Clifford every once in a while, and maybe a Curious George.  Still not a huge variety of shows, but we did spend a good amount of time in front of the TV while I was feeding Jake and needed a way to keep Abby occupied.  What I loved about our house in Texas was that our playroom and our TV room were separate, so the kids could play without constantly asking to watch TV.

it was supposed to be a living/dining room, but it was the perfect playroom!

Fast forward to Virginia and a 3rd kid...there's a TV in our playroom now.  I knew it wasn't a good idea when we moved in, but we did it anyway because I wanted a dedicated kid space that didn't infringe on the adult space in this house (there's so little adult space here), and we bought new living room furniture...meaning I didn't really want the kids all over our nice new couch with food while they were watching their shows.  Around this time, my sister told us about a show called Team Umizoomi that we should check out--I was totally hesitant because it's not a PBS show, but I thought I would give it a try...branch out a little.  The kids fell in deep smit with that show.  Absolute adoration.  The first thing Alex says when he wakes up in the morning is, "Watch Bot?"  And I love it because it's educational (even though it's not PBS...)--Alex knows all his numbers because of that show (that's kind of embarrassing to admit. but it's true).  Our DVR is constantly 80% full of kids shows...Umizoomi, Clifford, WordWorld, SuperWhy, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Mike the Knight, Doc McStuffins...we went a little nuts when we discovered other TV channels.  I try to limit the hours of TV, but sometimes when the boys are fighting and cooped up in the house, it's so easy to turn on a show and be able get my stuff done.  They don't watch any of the fluffy shows with few redeeming qualities (Spongebob or whatever those other annoying shows are), but I won't sugarcoat it: they watch a lot of TV.

Millie, Bot, and Geo--they have mighty math powers!

Now, what does all of this have to do with our current household experiment?  Well, last weekend, I told Jake that it was time for him to keep his diaper dry at naptime and bedtime.  I'm fully confident that he can do this--it's just laziness or a security issue, and I need to help him get over it and transition to underwear 24/7.  Without even thinking before I opened my mouth, I told him that he could watch his TV shows if his diaper stays dry...but not if it is wet.  We are now in Day 7 of No TV.  Seriously, the kid is stubborn.  The first day, it felt like I was punishing everyone--Abby was very upset to not see her Clifford during breakfast, and I thought my day would be ruined without the TV helping keep the peace.  It's not really fair to deprive the other kids of their beloved TV because of Jake's behavior, but really, it's just TV--it's not like I'm withholding all their food until Jake gets his act together.  There are worse things that could happen.  I just didn't really envision that Jake would hold out this long--he actually says, "I don't want to watch TV" when I try to remind him that if he keeps his diaper dry, he can earn his TV back.  (Oooh, that kid!)  I'm not sure this experiment is working, but I'm in it to win it at this point--I will outlast my 3-year-old.  I've actually been pleasantly surprised at how the TV-less days have been going--Jake and Alex are doing really well playing together (with the occasional screaming/hitting/crying fights, of course), and I'm happy to not have the arguing over what show to watch, whose turn it is to pick, and the constant noise.  I kinda feel like a better mother without the TV.  Of course, when Jake finally figures out this whole keeping-the-diaper-dry thing, I'm going to have to let them earn back some TV, but I think this experiment is teaching me that I can limit the TV time, and I should limit it...the world won't fall apart and we might all learn to get along a little better with less TV.  What's your bet on how many days this experiment will drag on before Jake is diaper-free?

Mom Brain

I need a list.  My memory is phenomenal for things like song lyrics and the ridiculous things that Dan says that I can use against him at a later date, but other than that, I need a list to help me remember things.  I use a list every time I go grocery shopping--I would be lost without it.  I use a list every time we go somewhere, even if it's just for the day, to make sure I don't forget something crucial, like Alex's favorite lamby or the kids' coats.  For long trips, like our crazy vacation this past summer (to NY for a wedding, then to Disney World for 4 days, then to the beach for a week), I had 4 typed pages of stuff we needed for each leg.  I just am a list person.

A snippet of my Disney/beach packing list...

My need for a list has gotten worse over the last few years, but I've really noticed my memory failing me lately.  I call it Mom Brain, and it has gotten worse with each kid.  Michelle Duggar must be like a lobotomy patient by now.  Even with my trusty list, I sometimes forget things...which never ceases to baffle me.  If it's on my list, then it should be in the car with us...but somehow that's not always the case.  Sometimes I forget to check my list...which makes me wonder if I need a list to remind me to check my list.  This is not good.  My memory clearly isn't as good as it once was, and I'm starting to think that I need a daily list of some kind to keep me on track.  In order to be a Good Housewife and feel like I'm accomplishing something (anything!) every day, I need to be able to focus--a list might help me do that.  Here is what my mornings usually look like (based entirely on this morning's particular nonsense!):

• Wake up, get the kids' breakfasts and make Abby's lunch (I just recently wrote myself a list for her lunchbox contents, because even though it's been the same every day for the last 2 years, I still struggle to remember when I'm half asleep)

Abby's lunch list...on the fridge!

• Get the boys out of their diapers--I need more wipes, so I grab a new pack and throw the empty refill in the direction of my computer
• Start emptying the dishwasher
• Discover that I'm really hungry--sit down to have my breakfast
• Check email and Facebook/news/blogs while I'm eating
• Remember that I need to enter Pampers Gifts to Grow points--grab the empty wipe refill bags that are laying around everywhere, and start to enter the codes
• Jake needs to go to the bathroom--help him, check on the boys to make sure the playroom isn't a disaster, play with them for a while
• Remember that I haven't finished emptying the dishwasher--go back to that project
• There's a stink bug flying around my kitchen--grab the dust buster and chase it down
• While I have the dust buster out, I may as well get up some of the dinner mess from yesterday in the dining room
• Wipe down the dining room table while I'm out there
• Find coupons that I was cutting over the weekend still sprawled out on the table...sit down to finish that project and get the coupons put away
• With the coupons are a bunch of old newspapers and junk mail--pick them up and put them in the recycling
• Geez, the kitchen counters are covered in paperwork, too...gather up the junk and go through Abby's endless school papers to figure out what to keep and what to recycle
• Jake and Alex are screaming--go into the playroom to put out the fire, play with the boys for a bit
• Remember that I haven't started the laundry yet, which I needed to do first thing this morning and it's already 10:30am...go down to the basement and get a load in
• What was I doing?  Oh yes, the dishwasher--I've only gotten the bottom rack put away thus far, so I start working on the top rack
• Call my mom, and start having a conversation about weekend plans...go to check my calendar, discover it's not on the side of the fridge, remember that I started putting dates into it this weekend and never finished
• Locate calendar in mess on kitchen counter, start entering all the kids' activities...I'm still working on February
• Hear my computer dinging--I forgot to log out of Facebook, and my sister is talking to me...go see what she has going on and realize I never entered all those Pampers codes
• Enter more Pampers codes...and while I'm at it, round up all our Kellogg's cereal boxes and enter those codes into the Kellogg's Family Rewards website
• See the two SoftSoap dispensers on the table next to my computer--I never made it to the bathroom with them after I went shopping this weekend...pick them up and put them away in the bathroom
• Where is the bath mat?  Oh no!  I washed it and left it out on the back deck to dry yesterday because it was such a nice day...but it rained last night and I forgot to bring it inside.  Ugh...
• Retrieve the wet bath mat from the back deck...go down to the basement and put it in the dryer
• I can't even walk in the basement because there is so much stuff on the floor--open a garbage bag and discover clothes that my sister-in-law let the boys borrow from my nephew...go through those to figure out what fits and what doesn't, throw the clothes in piles to be washed
• Jake and Alex are whining because they are hungry--look at the clock and realize that it's noon already and I haven't started making lunch!  Where are their plates?  Oh yes, still in the dishwasher...

these three monkeys have stolen my brain

 
My days go on and on like this, and I wonder why I never get anything done!  Dan says I bring it on myself, because none of these things are pressing or crucial (little does he know how much life would go off the rails if I didn't do most of these things...) and because I need to just finish what I start instead of bouncing around from task to task.  I say that's way easier said than done with you have a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old constantly interrupting your thoughts and plans.  I don't really think he has room to talk, anyway, because he's one of the most absent-minded people I know.  I do recognize that my easy distraction detracts from my effectiveness around the house, so I think maybe a list will help me.  I'm going to try writing a list of tasks for tomorrow morning before I go to bed tonight, and I'll report back on my progress...perhaps being able to scratch things off my list will remind me that I am actually a productive person, even if it takes me a few detours.

Holiday Fun

I'm a little lost with what to do with myself since the Challenge ended.  Trust me, I have plenty to do--but like I told you, I work better when I have a project!  I did invite Dan to guest column on my blog after he does a Good Husband Challenge for a week...not sure if he'll take me up on it, but wouldn't that be fun?  ;)  I know it would be fun for me!

Now that I'm less distracted by the Challenge, I'm focusing on all the other things that need to get done around the house and feeling the stress.  I totally love this time of year, but sometimes it all gets a little overwhelming!  Case in point: our Elf on a Shelf, Herbie, is visiting right now.  Every once in a while, that darn elf is so forgetful and doesn't remember to head back to the North Pole and then reappear somewhere else in the house after the kids go to bed.  It got so bad that I had to set a reminder timer for him on my phone...  Abby just informed me yesterday that she thinks Herbie goes to Elf School after she goes to bed, and his teacher is Santa!  Not one to miss an opportunity, I told her that we'd better make sure she gets to bed on time from now on, because we wouldn't want Herbie to get in trouble for being late to school.  Ha ha!  :)  Here's Herbie hanging out in Jake's room last week--his first foray into Jake's room (in two years) because Jake can't be trusted not to knock him down and ruin Herbie's magic...  I think Abby might faint if she came into Jake's room and saw him holding Herbie...not kidding.  She's super protective of that elf.  Herbie found a safe(ish) place to perch in Jake's room this year, and managed to survive untouched.  As an added bonus, Jake took a great nap that day because Herbie was right there, staring at his bed!  :)

above Jake's dresser...safe from curious hands!

I also have yet to do the kids' Santa video, which I do every year for them from the Portable North Pole--such an awesome thing to have to motivate their behavior...it cracks me up every time.  You can personalize all aspects of the message Santa gives, and I have had lots of fun with it over the years.  Abby has always been on the "nice list," and Jake has yet to make that list...two different children entirely!  Abby has her naughty moments, but she's such the responsible first born.  Jake obviously has his nice moments, but he's our high-spirited little monkey!  This year will be Alex's first video from Santa...I'm not sure if he'll be naughty or nice at this point.  He learns everything he knows from Jake!  The videos are obviously a project that I have to complete when the kids aren't around, so either naptime or after they go to bed...and I haven't gotten to it yet.  Maybe today?  Here's Jake's from 2010--absolutely the best one ever, because Jake was almost 2 and totally ornery with a BIG temper, and it scared him into shape!  Hysterical.

So it's Christmas fun that I've brought on myself that adds a little stress to this time of year...but I wouldn't have it any other way!  I don't remember Christmases being as enjoyable until we had our own kids, other than when I was a kid myself--it's just wonderful to see the magic of the season from their eyes.  We drove around looking at Christmas lights on our military installation this past weekend, and the excitement from all three kids was so much adorable.  I couldn't help laughing every time Alex said, "It's awesome!" or, "Those are my favorites!"  :)  So cute!  I'm probably going to pull about 20 late nighters between now and Christmas to get everything done--we still have to wrap all our presents and put together a huge train table because Santa delivered it a little early and we're doing him a favor by putting it together (you can thank us later, Santa), but I'm going to try my best to not let the stressful aspects take away from the magical ones.

Abby writes notes for Herbie to take to the North Pole--this was last night's!

The Very Bad Mommy Project

Thinking I should rename my efforts--gone with The Good Housewife Project, in with The Very Bad Mommy Project.  Oh wait...that's part of what I'm trying to fix, isn't it?  Let's just call these last two days an epic fail on the Good Mommy portion of the Good Housewife Project.  Yesterday was a classic example of a crappy Monday for me.  I think it all would have been fine if I hadn't gotten a migraine around 3pm--everything went downhill from there.  Jake didn't take a nap (he's in that growing-out-of-nap stage where I never know what to expect), and I didn't think much of it until the kid came downstairs right before we had to leave for Abby's dance class and announced that he had a poopy diaper (as an FYI for you new mommies out there, poopy diapers will always derail any attempt at a nap).  Seriously?  I have a monitor trained on his room for the express purpose of him letting me know if he needs to use the bathroom (well, and also that I can see if he's climbing his furniture, jumping off said furniture, and in possible need of a trip to the ER).  This is Day 3 of the poopy diaper at naptime.  The kid will be 4 years old in January--he doesn't need to be wearing diapers AT ALL anymore, so that just increases my frustration.  I've tried leaving him in undies for naps and bedtime, only to increase my workload by 100000000000000000% when I have to wash his clothes and his sheets and everything he touches/sits on/thinks about for days on end.  I just don't have the ability to keep up with what I have going on normally--I can't add that ridiculous to the normal insanity with no end in sight...so I always end up caving and putting diapers back on him.  I figure the boy will eventually no longer wear a diaper, and I'm just going to wait him out.  But days like yesterday, I get really frustrated with the whole situation!  So yes, there I am rushing to get Abby ready for dance, get two boys ready to take her to dance, and I have to stop what I'm doing and change a poopy diaper, all while trying to see out of one eye because of my migraine.  I wasn't moving as quickly as I normally do because my head was throbbing, and this wrench in the machine wasn't helping us be on time.

Abby announced that she needed to go to the bathroom after getting fully into her tights and leotard...so she got undressed again while I dealt with Jake's diaper.  I asked him to go into the bathroom to use the potty before we got in the car while I put Alex's shoes on, and Jake insisted on taking his train (with three large parts) into the bathroom with him so that Alex wouldn't get it.  Yes, he just really dislikes sharing that much.  Here's how the next 10 minutes went:

Me:  "Jake, no trains in the bathroom!  Alex won't play with it--we are seriously about to walk out the door.  PLEASE go in and go potty."

Jake:  "But Abby won't let me use the step stool!  Abby, MOVE!  WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  (Jake has a major emotional control issue--every little pitfall of his day is accompanied by him falling to the floor in a crying, often screaming, crumpled mess.)

Me:  "Abby, let your brother use the step stool--you don't need it to wash your hands!  You are tall enough to reach the sink.  Jake, GET ON THE POTTY."

Abby:  "Mommy, now I can't reach the towel, and my hands are all wet!"

Me (washing my hands):  "I will get the towel."

I reach over to get the towel hanging above the toilet, and in the process, I knock one of Jake's three train pieces off the bathroom counter and toward the toilet.  Thankfully, Jake was finally sitting on the toilet, or I would have been fishing train out of a used toilet.  The train piece fell to the floor behind the toilet.

Me:  "JAKE!  THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I SAID NO TRAIN IN THE BATHROOM!  THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME!  NO TOYS IN THE BATHROOM FROM NOW ON, DO YOU HEAR ME!?!"  I kind of growled and screamed this at the same time while chucking large pieces of train out the bathroom door, sending them skittering into Alex's room across the hall.  The kids were a bit shell-shocked.  My head was steadily getting much worse.  Time was escaping us.  I walked into Alex's room to gather him up and head down the stairs to the garage.

Alex:  "Mommy, you're mean Mommy--you frow toys."

Well, that actually made me laugh--I did throw toys, which is exactly what I tell the kids all day not to do.  I also do think I probably sounded quite mean with my little temper tantrum.  My good humor over being called out by my 2-year-old only lasted about 5 seconds, when I heard Abby and Jake yelling at each other in the basement.  (I did manage to tell Alex I was sorry and throwing toys is never a good thing to do, so at least I had one redeeming moment.)

Abby:  "Mommy!  Jake is doing all kinds of things with his hands--he's hitting me and pushing me, and he has long nails that he's scratching me with!"

Me (while dragging Alex and 6 of his bed friends that he insisted on bringing in the car with us down the stairs):  "Jake, do you want me to kick you?"

As an aside, I have no idea where that thought came from, except that I really did feel like kicking him.  Obviously I would never do that, and usually I do a much better job filtering what I would like to do out of what I actually say...but yesterday was not that day.  Jake just looked at me with a very worried look on his face.

Me:  "Obviously I would never kick you, Jake--or any of you, obviously.  Can we just get in the car and try to manage to be nice to each other?  Your sister is going to be late to dance class!"

Jake (after we're all loaded in and I'm backing out of the garage):  "Mommy, you sure are in a mood today."  This is what I say to him when he wakes up grumpy.  Very observant, little one...very observant.

Fast forward to today--I was determined to have a better day with the children.  Unfortunately, some weird postnasal drip had me hacking up a lung ALL NIGHT LONG last night, and I got about 2 hours of sleep.  When this Mommy is tired, things tend to go poorly...  I got a little rest on the couch this morning prior to Jake's gymnastics class, and then I got up to get ready to go--I gave myself 30 minutes to get myself dressed, get the last-minute bathroom run done, and get out the door.  We were right on time--I was putting Alex's shoes on while Jake was in the bathroom when I hear, "Uh oh..."  Jake somehow missed the toilet and instead peed all over himself, the step stool, the bath mat (which I just washed YESTERDAY, not kidding, after the last peeing on the floor incident a few weeks ago...I'm really lazy about washing bath mats, apparently), and his clothes for gymnastics.  I. WAS. LIVID.  I yanked him off the toilet while growling incoherently at him (I don't really remember what was said, but I definitely remember that I was growling because now my throat really hurts) and sent him straight up to his room with a naked behind.  I considered cancelling gymnastics.  Alex sat quietly on the floor, playing with his shoe while avoiding looking at his lunatic mother.

I Fantastik-ed the bathroom while thinking that it really did need to be cleaned, so in essence, Jake was helping me accomplish more than I had intended to today...but now we were running late.  I calmly walked up the stairs, helped Jake wash his hands, got him some clean clothes, and got us back on track to head out the door.  Both boys must have been really stunned by my behavior (which is a good thing, because it means I don't act this way normally--I'm just having 2 bad days), because they were so good going out the door.  Jake even put his own shoes on, which he never does--I was so touched by the effort that I didn't even care that he put them on the wrong feet.  He was genuinely trying, and it was very sweet.  I love these ornery boys, even when they drive me nuts.  And to top off my morning, Alex says to me as I'm buckling him into his car seat, "Mommy, you're a bad guy."

I can't stay mad at these two little monkeys!

The Good Housewife Project clearly needs to add

• Try not to blow up at the children in such a way that it brands you "mean Mommy" or "a bad guy" and you end up threatening to kick one of them

to my list of goals.