Thursday, February 7, 2013

Two Places at Once

Being part of a military family my whole life, I'm used to not being where I want to be when major life events happen.  My friends are far-flung around the country, and often, so is our family.  I remember getting a phone call when my nephew was born in Virginia, and I was living down in Texas--I had been fortunate to be visiting Virginia for the births of my three nieces, so hearing the news of my nephew over the phone, knowing that my whole family was together for that happy occasion, made me homesick in a way I hadn't experienced before.  I know there will be more instances of homesickness in the future, as Dan's career takes us all over the world.

I've also had the feeling that I'm not as portable as I once was since I had kids--Dan and I could do all the things that couples without children do (go out to dinner often, go to the movies, travel), and I was free to come and go if I needed to.  When I wanted some time with my friends (even the ones far away), I made it happen.  Before Dan and I got married, I desperately wanted to see my other best friend, Kerry, who lives in Massachusetts, so she and I planned a long weekend getaway to Dallas in 2002--the place where our friendship really blossomed when we lived together while we interned at the MADD National Office.  Our friendship is kind of funny, in that she and I have never lived in the same place, save for that crazy summer of 2000 in Texas.  She was my sounding board during Dan's first deployment in 2003, flying to Virginia to spend my birthday with me that year (and go to a Counting Crows concert!).  She was my maid of honor at our wedding in 2004, and came to Virginia for countless wedding events that year, which was so special to me since I don't get to see her that often.  I cried pulling away from our wedding reception because I had to say goodbye to all my bridesmaids, who had come from various states, and with whom I never got to spend any time all together.  Kerry has been my female lifeline--Dan holds the spot in my heart as my husband and titular Best Friend, but Kerry and I have a bond almost like sisters.  She and I tell each other everything in our lives, can talk for hours if we get the opportunity (which is rare!), and it never seems like we've been apart for long at all when we're able to visit each other.  We just pick up where we've left off, and no matter what, we know each other's backstory.  She has been there for me during some of the darkest times in my life, and really defines what a good friend and good person should be.

my girls at my wedding--Brynne, Kerry, Julie, and Daya

Since Dan and I got married, I've felt bad that I can't get to Kerry as easily as she can get to me--it always seems like the burden to visit falls on her.  Dan and I flew to Boston for a whirlwind weekend in 2005 (for business, but we did get to spend time with Kerry and meet her then-new boyfriend--a first for me, since I had never gotten to meet anyone in her life in person before!), and Kerry came out to Ohio to celebrate my 25th birthday with me that year as well.  She flew to Virginia in 2007 to meet Abby, and again in 2009 to meet Jake.  When Dan deployed in 2010, Kerry flew to Ohio to be my date to a friend's wedding so that I wouldn't have to go alone.  After the deployment was over, I asked Dan if I could leave for a weekend to go to Kerry--something I had never been able to do, since the kids and our family usually keep me home.  I flew to Boston in March of 2011, and had the best time--when she asked me what I wanted to do while I was there, I asked her to take me to Worcester to see all her old haunts from high school that I had heard so much about, and so that I could meet her parents for the first time!  Our most recent visit was this past summer, when she flew here and spent a few days with the kids and me--my kids adore their honorary Aunt Kerry!

Kerry and Abby in July 2007

Kerry meeting Jake for the first time in 2009
my wedding date in 2010--I was super pregnant with Alex!

Kerry with the kids this past summer

Today, I'm overwhelmed with the desire to be someplace I'm not--in Massachusetts, with Kerry.  She's having some health issues, and even though her boyfriend (the same one I first met back in 2005!) is there with her, I'm her best friend...when I got her text this morning, I just wanted to get on a plane and get there.  It's so hard to balance this feeling with my responsibilities here at home--I'm super anxious waiting to hear any news, and I just wish I could see her.  I know a visit from me would take her mind off things, and I so wish I could give that to her right now.  I can't--Dan has work, we have family plans, and the kids have a lot going on this weekend, so I can't just pick up and leave, even though I desperately want to.  She would do the same for me--she would be here in a heartbeat if I needed her.  I would love to sit on the couch with her, watch cheesy television, and just be there.  So instead, while I've been waiting for news today, I did laundry, dusted the upstairs, and wrote this blog to help me put my fears out of my mind and keep me busy.  She just texted to say she is on her way home from the hospital, and I am super relieved!  It doesn't get rid of my desire to be there, but at least now I can tell her how much I'm thinking about her...and start planning our next visit!

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry your sweet friend is going through this and you can't be there. I am praying for her!